Uzumaki: What if Spiral Was More Literal (and Better)?

By Jakob Johns | Misfit Media Columnist

(No spoilers for ‘Spiral’ within, since I know you guys are really hoping for some crazy twisty shit.)

I’m almost completely sure that Spiral was directed by two people: Chris Rock, and some total psycho that probably ripped an actor’s tongue off by accident. My enjoyment of Spiral came from the bizarre flip-flopping between Se7en parody to torture porn. One moment, Chris Rock is being berated by the police chief for not going “by the book” and being assigned a hotshot rookie partner. Not a minute later, some guy is getting tortured and I’m cringing over the gore (and cringing at the editing in a very different way).

But something really bugged me from pretty early on – before the movie even started, before a trailer was released. Months ago, before I knew it was a Saw movie, a poster reveal got me slightly excited for a moment.

(Spiral Movie Poster - 2021)

The colour, the mystery! I loved it, until I found out it was a Saw movie. I like Saw and all, but understand that right up before that, I was under the impression that we might be getting something more special. Something more surreal. But, in the movie, spirals literally don’t matter. There isn’t even really an underlying theme involving “spiralling into madness” or some other cheesy shit.

Why do I care so bad you ask? Because Uzumaki exists, that’s why. The origin of this thing:

(Uzumaki Manga, Illustrated by Junji Ito - 1998)

For those not in the loop (in the spiral?), Uzumaki is a Lovecraftian horror epic by the master Junji Ito. The premise is simple: a small town inexplicably starts being haunted by spirals. Not a specific spiral monster or anything, just the concept of spirals, manifesting in different, but equally visceral ways. There’s no reason for it, no logic to it, nothing for the residents to grasp onto. Things just start happening to people at complete random, never ending until they have spiralled into insanity, death, or worse.

Some are psychological, like the husband and wife who become obsessed with spirals – one loving them, one hating. One loves them so much that he curls up in a barrel, contorting his form until he simply dies in the shape of his beloved spirals. The wife, horrified, begins to hate them so much she can’t stand them and must destroy them if she sees them. Then, she discovers in a doctor’s office that there’s a part of the ear that rather resembles a spiral… That there’s one in her ear…

That’s just the first chapter or two, before the real horrors begin. The manga never runs out of creative ways to horrifically torture an entire town of people, slowly plunging the place into a hellish apocalypse of spirals.

And there’s an animated adaptation coming soon. It’s coming to Adult Swim. It’s coming to worm into your brain, and you’re gonna love it.

Although… the wax trap in Spiral was pretty messed up, so you’ll probably love that too.